my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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