he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
