Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
