question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
