Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
