thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
