smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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