I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
