Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
