Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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