did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
