??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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