i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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