In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
