Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
