The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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