I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We had to coat check the pizza.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
