Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have post one night stand depression
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
