A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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