We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
