I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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