Tell her she can't have a vagina
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
