Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
