would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
