ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
