And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
