I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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