dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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