hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
