help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He shit in the fireplace
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
