i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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