he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
