Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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