I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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