My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
