last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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