Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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