I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
