SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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