Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
MIDGETS
????
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
