Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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