i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
