God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
