i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
