I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
