He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it glows. i had to have it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
