Apparently you make a good broom.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
