Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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