the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
