Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
