return my video game
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
