I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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