we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
