Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
