i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
