note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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