she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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