discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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