dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
