so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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