My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
