She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
