the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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