I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
