What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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