We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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