just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
