Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
