I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
