I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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