Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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