I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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