There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
